Whose house should I live in after getting married?
Last updated: 6 Aug 2025
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Before getting married, both couples should decide whether to live in their respective home or build their own home. Either option has its own set of advantages and disadvantages, so today we'll summarize these considerations to help you make an informed decision.
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If you choose to move into one of your spouse's homes,
This option has obvious advantages: eliminating the cost of a new home loan, saving the money for investment. This allows one spouse to closely care for their parents. If you plan to have children, the grandparents will be there to help, eliminating the need for a nanny or nursery.
The disadvantage is the risk of conflict between the father-in-law and son-in-law or the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, even if they got along well before the marriage. Furthermore, moving into another home can make you feel like an outsider. Domestic decisions are dominated by the homeowner's elders. Even if there's someone to care for the child, the grandparents may be overly indulgent and overly supportive, leading to disobedience.
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If you choose to buy or build your own new home,
If you choose this option, The obvious advantages are the freedom to start your own family, have your own space, and raise your children the way you want. Buying a home also creates future ownership of assets that can be passed down as an inheritance or used as an investment asset.
However, the downside of this approach is the need to pay off the mortgage for decades. Life can be disrupted at any point, and problems can arise. Furthermore, if one parent is elderly or has health issues, they will need to travel to and from home to care for them. It's best to choose a home near your current home if you plan to build or buy one.
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Each person lives in their own home.
The most likely beneficiaries of this approach are likely to be the parents of each family, as they will receive close care throughout their lives. However, this approach isn't ideal for a married couple, as it can lead to relationship problems due to limited time spent together. Furthermore, having children can be quite confusing, as they'll be moving to their grandparents' house and then returning to theirs, potentially leading to child-rearing issues.
As you can see, no matter which option you choose, there are pros and cons. It's up to you both to accept them. However, it's recommended to have an open and honest discussion before marriage to ensure a smooth and harmonious family life.
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Thank you for the great information from Sanook!
___________________________________________
If you choose to move into one of your spouse's homes,
This option has obvious advantages: eliminating the cost of a new home loan, saving the money for investment. This allows one spouse to closely care for their parents. If you plan to have children, the grandparents will be there to help, eliminating the need for a nanny or nursery.
The disadvantage is the risk of conflict between the father-in-law and son-in-law or the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, even if they got along well before the marriage. Furthermore, moving into another home can make you feel like an outsider. Domestic decisions are dominated by the homeowner's elders. Even if there's someone to care for the child, the grandparents may be overly indulgent and overly supportive, leading to disobedience.
___________________________________________
If you choose to buy or build your own new home,
If you choose this option, The obvious advantages are the freedom to start your own family, have your own space, and raise your children the way you want. Buying a home also creates future ownership of assets that can be passed down as an inheritance or used as an investment asset.
However, the downside of this approach is the need to pay off the mortgage for decades. Life can be disrupted at any point, and problems can arise. Furthermore, if one parent is elderly or has health issues, they will need to travel to and from home to care for them. It's best to choose a home near your current home if you plan to build or buy one.
___________________________________________
Each person lives in their own home.
The most likely beneficiaries of this approach are likely to be the parents of each family, as they will receive close care throughout their lives. However, this approach isn't ideal for a married couple, as it can lead to relationship problems due to limited time spent together. Furthermore, having children can be quite confusing, as they'll be moving to their grandparents' house and then returning to theirs, potentially leading to child-rearing issues.
As you can see, no matter which option you choose, there are pros and cons. It's up to you both to accept them. However, it's recommended to have an open and honest discussion before marriage to ensure a smooth and harmonious family life.
___________________________________________
Thank you for the great information from Sanook!
